Family, Festivals, Fellowship

My dad pronounced suddenly over drinks this CNY that, "to get to know someone, you have to spend at least two days with them". He's a simple man, not given to saying much, let alone hyperbole . So, I am extremely pleased that he drew on his 75+ years of experience and wisdom.

He said it in the context of meeting Dawn's Aunt and family (M&M with N&N) whom he has met before but had no real recollection of. They had visited for CNY and Uncle M looked after my car many of which could not start or move. He diagnosed them all, changed the battery for one, topped up the motor oil of another and figured out the remaining issues with the third. He is one of Asia's top mechanic, a shining example of what it means to pursue one's passion wholeheartedly. So passionate is he in the field, that post his retirement, at an age when most would take it easy, he opened up his own garage and now serves high end customers.

It's a lot like my parents and parents-in-law. My parents too stayed in the sector and started, ran and then sold off a kindergarten. My father-in-law A kept busy with a variety of community and handy jobs, always looking to add value. Indeed, our house's look and feel owes a lot to him.

Their grandson J is charting his own course now, and staying true to this spirit. Indeed, the armed forces have a good practice of having family members write to the man in uniform as they are undergoing a difficult field exercise to help console and even encourage them. As I wrote my third such letter (the earlier ones were when he was in Basic Military Training and then in Officer Cadet School), I shared with him how proud I am of him, of his spirit especially: reaching high and always still looking out for those around him.

His sister and mom similarly love him for this and this extends to his family and friends too. We had a chance to experience all these for we celebrated two festivals in two months.

We hosted Christmas (named the best family Christmas celebration of all times!) where D truly outdid herself. We ate, danced, drank, massaged, performed, played, prayed, swam and watched over three days together. It could well be the last time (in a while) where every single of the family will be together for such a long time. And if you go by dad's maxim, we all got to know each other well!

Then we welcomed the chinese lunar year of the rooster and again hosted dinner and lunch, showed off fireworks, as well as procuring our traditional lion dance. This has gone on for over a dozen years and may also be one our lasts. Not that we have outgrown tradition, but rather it is now part of our history, part of us and shall remain for posterity. No doubt, from time to time we will request for them to perform again. Its only apt for as we all become digital embedded, we need the occassional (or more than ocassional) human interaction.

Photo Credit: D, whose photography skills though I seldom fete is really better at it than many others!

 

Fellowship is founded on real connection. And if there is a lesson about keeping family and friends in a festive mood, it is about staying in real touch, and as my dad would add, for at least two days!

The eye of the mind

The first camera I picked up was my dad's old Yashica and was immediately fascinated in how to frame an image. I bought my very own in university, a Minolta X-300, the most affordable SLR camera a student on loan and part time job could afford. I was impressed with fellow photographers, esp one special person who had with her a manual Nikon on our first date together. Its only fitting that I married her and we have two wonderful kids. They now have cameras of their own (M got an Olympus OM-D EM-10 and J a Leica V-lux Type 114) courtesy of their photo- mad dad. I even tried to impart some tips to them but their mind's eye would of course be completely different from mine. What they conceive and frame will be how they would like to see the world. As for me, the world I see, on this eve of the year of the fire rooster is a beautiful happy one. Not least because of the Mrs, the Mstr and the Ms.

 

 

Review of the OM-D EM-10: http://www.thephoblographer.com/2014/03/28/review-olympus-omd-em10/

Review of the V Lux Type 114:   http://www.reddotforum.com/content/2014/11/leica-v-lux-typ-114-review-the-swiss-army-knife-of-cameras/

Journalling

Its been three years since I first started writing in this blog. I was in Jakarta, at the airport then. Right now, I am at my regular hairdresser's, here in Singapore, starting on entry #110. Its the longest sustained period of diary keeping. 

Back in my schooldays, I would typically start the year with a resolve to record key activities of the day. I would keep it up for a few weeks, and then as weeks turn to months, my entries would slip from daily records to weekly ones, and usually by the end of the first quarter, I would cease the endeavour altogether. Truth be told it was largely because as a student, there just wasn't too much going on and by the first 3 months of the year, I would have more than sampled every activity a schoolboy would experience for the year: class, homework, sports, test, results, friends, relatives and the occasional outing downtown (to either Emporium or Madam King's, the only large departmental store in town) or to my maternal grandparents' place in Batang.

Secondly, I probably got lazy ;)

And I remember one time I stopped because I saw my mom sneaking a peek into my diary. She had just returned from a weekend in Batang and dad had taken us downtown to the movies (if I recall correctly I think it was Jaws, or Abba the movie). She probably wanted to confirm what he told her and went to another source of news. I had left my diary on the closet and naturally didn't like the fact it's privacy was 'violated'.

Yes, that was the time when such recordings are strictly personal and nothing written was ever meant for another's eyes. Millennials today may not understand this fully as they live and record their lives for public consumption.

In any case, I moved on from keeping these short lived diaries to penning my thoughts when I travel. As I often ventured abroad (be it across Thailand, or Indonesia or even further afield to Japan, Europe and USA) my travelogue became my companion. I had taken to backpacking on a shoestring alone and having "someone" to listen to me helped!

Then I found my soulmate, D, who loves the written word and I would write to her almost daily, be it from Bangkok, Ho Chi Minh City and Zürich when we kept up our Long distance relationship. These letters became a special and visceral part of our love; and indeed our feelings for each other are captured posterity in them.

The kids came after our marriage and I started writing to them instead. I had bought these sets of beautifully leather bound books in Florence and poured my words and emotions into them whenever I cannot be with the kids. In fact, even after the computer became my word processor of choice, I would still print out what I have documented and paste them onto these beautiful books.

And then the blogs came. I resisted it at first because unlike all other record keeping devices of the past, this one is not private. It's as private as someone's disinterest in me. So, at some stage, it could well become public. Enough of my social life is already on Facebook and my professional one on LinkedIn, though somewhat curated. And images I like are on Instagram. Still, beyond all that, I am comforted that for well over 40 years, much of what I have written will remain private or only meant for D, J and M.

School Life Rocks

M dear

I am reminded of a similar moment this like yours now more than 30 years ago. I was getting ready to leave my school, my classmates, my friends and my family behind.

Was there any anxiety? Yes, of course! After all, it's a new format of education (what with lectures and tutorials) in a new country with students whom are regarded the country's best. Not to mention, a new language of instruction.

Then again, I wanted this. I chose this path. I sought this new adventure. And like all adventures, there are unknowns and these unknowns cause the nerves to rattle with anxiety. Then again, the same unknowns herald excitement. I was so energised to meet new friends, new teachers, new formats, new location: all these add to the adventure, rather than take away from them.

My schooldays have made up some of the best days of my life, because I gave it some of my best!

In JC, I made friends who remain my very best today: they even serve as your Godparents and we all still meet up regularly. The topics of conversations have shifted over the years; now we all get excited over the General Elections. But the friendships we made as sixteen, seventeen year olds never shifted.

So, my dear M, let your spirit free. Make new friends. Be thrilled by new subjects. Explore your new surroundings. Enjoy every new sensation as they deserved to be. Remember what I had told you before, "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.". So, go for it!

 

Thought I inspire you with a moment of levity. If you are nervous, just imagine how much more the boys are! Go on, enjoy yourself, my darling daughter.                                                Love, daddums

Clean slate

It's all in the mind.

We can always make a new beginning, and the new year is famous for resolutions. I have made some in the past but never quite saw them through the year. I did manage to keep one I made last year which is to run more than 365kms in the year.

I didn't have to do a similar one this year for I hope to make this a part of my life already: aren't these the best sort of resolutions?

In fact, I walked/jogged/ran for about 10km at the MacRitchie Nature Trail and deep in the trail, after taking in the fresh air, I prayed the rosary, dedicating each decade to the family and friends respectively.  He has blessed us all abundantly and I thank Him for that.  I then prayed for myself asking for God to grant me the Serenity to accept things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and Wisdom to know the difference. These 25 words are part of a longer prayer but it already sums up a vital state of mind that all, especially someone in my station, need to have.

I've tried that yesterday and today as I started work in 2017 and engaged with two colleagues who I had trying times with. I must confess I still need work (just as they do too).

Till I succeed, the serenity prayer remains my mantra.

A meaningful start

There are many ways to welcome the new year. Some party. Hard. Some dine and wine. Almost everyone counts down.

We did it differently this year. We didn't even count down. We had a quiet moment, including exchanging words of encouragements and bowed our heads in solemn prayer. And yes, D & J did have a glass of wine each. My teetotaller condition was due to being on another run at the Dukan Diet (probably my 4th or 5th go in 5 to 6 years) while M was at church celebrating with fellow youths.

Actually there is no significant cosmic reason why the passing from 2359 to 0000 on 31st December every year is special. However, in a world regulated by timelines, milestones and deadlines, it has become important.

In our case, we were indeed governed by one of these deadlines. J had to submit his application to US universities who conveniently put it as 1st January 2017. And being busy the entire year, J left it to the last days and hours to get that done. We were obviously anxious on his behalf and stayed with him as he composed multiple essays.

As I understand the process better (being the first born, he typically had to go where none of us had been), I must say I am rather impressed with the system. Rather than asking for a regurgitation of accomplishments, the essays are meant to deeply understand the applicant: his/her passions, attitudes and resolve. It was not difficult for J for these three attributes run deep in him to hammer out the essays. Reading through his essays, it was more difficult for me as his dad, and to an extent for D as well, to not focus on "telling" on his achievements but rather to show the inner spirit and strength that led to these achievements.

Over the last few days and especially last few hours, I must confess I like this system. So much so that I expressed this to M as we were waiting for our takeaway lunch. I knew she saw the amount of stress her brother was in and I wanted to take a moment to pacify her. J's situation partly stemmed from having too many things to do, being new at this, leaving it too late, and not knowing there were more essays required!

What I really like about the system is exactly what I have been preaching to my parents, who have a habit of heaping praises on achievements rather than efforts. I understood effort to be the true determinant of success and had encouraged them (robustly so) to also concentrate on calling out grandkids who have put in great effort be it in learning a skill like baking or undertaking a courageous challenge. I can well imagine if I had applied to the US all those years ago and they were advising me, I would not be accepted into any school!

So, there we were, son, mother and father, welcoming 2017 and hoping we complete the applications in time. Earlier today, we did. J submitted to 7 of the 8 schools and having not slept the night before, is taking a nap now before he finalises and submits the final application.

I have been on his case for leaving it so late. Truth be told, I am not sure he had a choice. He gives everything in all his undertaking and had been thoroughly consumed by the officer cadet course, which he graduated from with distinction.  And as I read his essays, be it about his angst towards overconsumption, his love for the outdoors, the lessons he drew from nature, his thoughts on how to sustain the world, his joy of being hands-on, his leadership opportunities and his code of honour, I cannot but feel immense pride in him. While we are there for him (esp D, while I am there for the pivotal moments like this one), but all that he has learned and done, it's all him.

For that, recognising the inner strength, the values system he lives by, I must say I am pleased. He is a fine young man. A brand new year, with all that it promises, beckons for him, and for all of us.