In his work Twelfth Night, William Shakespeare tells us about greatness: "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em."
As we live our day to day, we sometimes forget what we are and can be. I feel that this is especially so for you, my dear son, as you start on this new phase of your life. So, allow me to recount for you who you really are and thus help you settle.
As a 10-year old, we had an opportunity to dine together. Just the two of us: father and son. And in that restaurant next to the former SJI (now SAM), you said something quite profound for a boy who has barely lived a decade on earth. You complimented me on the way I inspired you and you even asked me how. I had explained that while I worked hard day to day, I really don't fret over the daily ups and downs. It's always been about advancing towards a vision of a better future and so long as I am still on the path towards that future, the near term pitfalls didn't worry me.
I know you are probably thinking: easy for you to say, old man: your career has been one onwards and upwards trajectory. Well, you would be mistaken there.
Not once, but twice, I took a step back in my career in order to get onto a new job with what I had hoped was a better potential going forward (and I even got that wrong one time).
- I left as an expat manager from Singapore Airlines (with a free car, free accommodation and cost-of-living per diem in civilised Zurich) to take up a job in Malaysia (in RM! and as a mere consultant - ie not even in management). While I quickly became the blue-eyed boy of the boss, I also realised that I was not in the right firm and shortly after being promoted to manager in Andersen Consulting, I left.
- I joined BCG, because I want to do my work at the boardroom and top management level, but that meant I had to start again as a consultant as the age of 32. The reason why I was prepared to take these steps back was because I knew the step forward from this new vantage points would be even better (even though the potential trajectory I was on - in both SQ and AC - were already quite bright!).
There is a bigger lesson though. All these supposed step-backs were not failures but rather became rock solid foundations in launching me forward. [You know how they say you have reached rock bottom? Well, the rock is a really good platform to jump up from! :-)]
- In SQ, having worked in operations and people much more experienced and older than myself, I learned how to bring out the best of my team by casting them in right roles and accentuating complementary strengths.
- Also in SQ, as well as in AC, my postings across SEA (though I felt that I had missed out then), turned out to be one of my key reasons why I worked so well across the region in BCG and eventually became its first home-grown Managing Director of SEA.
So, its not only the vision thing but it is also about allowing yourself the latitude to take a step backwards and also to accept that the episodes that may seem diminished today actually connects to secure a better future. At the end of the day, my son, it is where you land in the future that counts.
You know well that there is only so much that a person with a mediocre career can brag about his stellar school results from decades ago. We all know of the star jocks/ prom kings/ most popular boy in school who ends up flipping burgers. Being good now is no assurance of being great later... and in fact being ambitious for more now (because you are dissatisfied with the status quo) is a far better guarantee of success in the future.
And that, my son, I know you have spades of. Lee Hsien Loong in a National Day Rally speech called it "divine discontent". The fact that you are wanting more is a symptom of this discontent... but more of what? And this leads us to the question of success. What is it, exactly?
The recent passing of Queen Elizabeth engendered plenty of touching eulogies. Most talk of her dignity and grace in the face of atrocities public (through WW2) and private (her adulterous children and in-laws). I thought about who else history remembers kindly. There's Mahatma Gandhi, Deng Xiaoping, Pope John Paul II, Nelson Mandela, Bill Gates, Steve Jobs - just to name those who lived in the 20th century. In Singapore, we have LKY. They are all men and women who excelled in their jobs. But notably, like Queen Elizabeth, also paid the price of their families not being perfect (if they even recognised their family members like Jobs famously refused to do at one stage).
So success is not just achievements in the workplace and it's certainly not about the amount of money they made. Yes, Gates was (at one time) the richest man in the world, but Gandhi, Deng and certainly the Pope had far less materially.
I guess the optimist would character success as attainment of happiness (measured in accomplishments all round - in the tangible and intangible. The ironic thing is you would find that people often do not count happiness in monetary terms but more in sentimental qualities: having the love of the family, friends and even colleagues.
You need to figure out your definition yourself. In my case, being the optimist, I wanted it all: wealth, societal status, values-based family, good relationships with each other.... (the list goes on) and here I have mom as my partner. I couldn't do it all. She helped me with most of the items on the list. Mom looked after the home while I spent 4 to 5 days a week on the road. I brought home most of the bacon and look what she did with it: she built a home. I brought back boards and beams to the household and she endowed it with hopes and dreams.
And as with all things requiring a partner, there must be trust. And here, a person who is spiritual and believe in the commandments higher than one's mortal needs is perhaps the most trustworthy. Of all my accomplishments, my very best is having met and married mom.
You remind me of my younger self because you too are blessed with divine discontent. I said to you during dinner that I (together with mom) bought the house that I eventually lived in only at the age of 29. And that's in Damansara Utama in Malaysia. And I bought my own car (a Proton Wira) even later. But I was thinking and planning of a better future even back then.
As you are planning your future, remember that your starting point is already far better than mine: I was a top cub scout in primary school, you became the Akela. I was the troop leader and so were you but you went on to be a President Scout. I was conferred the ASEAN scholarship (for JC) and you got the President Scholarship for Bachelors and Masters degrees. And before all this, before you were even a teenager, you were even already representing the country in APCC and DI! I never got anywhere close to that.
Still, the lessons of your old man are relevant:
- Have a vision, and so long as you have a path there, do not fret about daily ups and downs
- To get on to path, you sometimes have to take a step back to propel yourself two steps forward
- All the roads you have traversed in the past have not dragged you down but rather they connect going forward and actually help become a launch pad for you
- You naturally want to have achieved across many aspects but know that no one has it all, even the greatest men and women in history. The secret weapon here is your spouse/partner/soulmate who can allow you to focus on your part of the family goals while she focuses on the rest.
- Your partner should be someone you can trust fully because she shares the same spiritual values as you do. Then the love is not only at a emotional, mental and physical level, it is deeper: you are soulmates connected as one.
If you internalise these five points, then Shakespeare's words will ring true. You start with two advantages already: you are born with naturally strong attributes and you are in a position to (and in fact expected to) show your abilities. So, fret not, my son. I love you very much and I am very proud of you.
