Little Man Tate

D's preferences in movies differ from mine. She likes crime drama and heist movies while I like slapstick comedies and action heroes. So, when she recommended we watch Little Man Tate, I was unsure I would enjoy it. Four things made me agree to her suggestion. 

First, Jodie Foster - one of my favourite actors - starred and directed this.

Second, it's merely an hour and half long and so, should I not like it, it'll pass soon.

Third, i vaguely recalled it was a good movie and finally, M is unwell... down with flu along with many others in the region afflicted by the Influenza A & B outbreaks. So, we wanted to accompany her as she watched from the couch.

I was so glad I watched the movie, end to end, and I even remember lines from it, like "It's said that a genius learns without studying, and knows without learning. That he is eloquent without preparation, exact without calculation, and profound without reflection."

We all had a good laugh because there was a moment of realisation in the audience of three that one member of the audience resonated deeply with these words. :-)

The next morning, we three went to church. The father delivering the homily is noted to have a meandering style of speaking. I thought of giving him a chance and as if He knew, he spoke to the point. The theme in this mass was about people who did not feel worthy to carry out God's missions. From Isaiah to Simon Peter to Paul, all felt like they were sinners and unworthy. Yet, they were called and chosen. We all know of course that they were all accomplished God's works well. Father Cary (like Cary Grant, ha ha) explained why. “God is the origin of the mission and the secret for its success”

As it happened, last night I received a text message from an ex-colleague and now friend, A.G. He sent me this:

"V - I just finished a 21 day vipaussana (silent meditation) course, and you came up during some of my meditations, and I was really touched by how when I was a young, no name kid from the streets of Ipoh, you took a courageous choice to take me in. And when I failed, you put your name on the line and gave me a second chance to prove myself. And even in the many times after, I made decisions from a place of pride or ego, you showed patience, you showed restraint, you showed forbearance, and an immense amount of selfless giving. I am the man I am today, in many parts, because of you, and the kindness you have shown me. I truly think God’s grace shows up in the kindness of strangers you meet in life, you have exemplified it to me, and shown me how I should also behave to others. Thank you. 

Many people save these words for obituaries and eulogies, but I wanted to make sure you heard it from me while you were still breathing, old man. Love you very much."

The message Jodie Foster sought to relay in the movie, A's message to me and the homily at mass today all point to one thing... that one can be confident in the knowledge that success will come when we walk in His path. 

2025 is a milestone year

I will be well into my late 50s while my parents are into their mid 80s. How they are ageing help me think about my third act.

Mom, aware of the finite time left, wants to do as much as she can. She is more energetic than before. She has taken up calligraphy and is an active part of a dance group (even if it means performing when in pain). She keeps fit by participating in Zumba classes in the public park. Never one to shrug housework, she takes care of two houses (each the scale of two houses) - with help from the housekeeper - regarding the chores there as daily exercises. It helps that her siblings remain rather united and there are often dinner gatherings with much gaiety (fuelled partly by copious amounts of alcohol, including the hard stuff like whisky and bai jiu). There is however one other thing that keeps her going; perhaps the most purposeful one: her offsprings and their offsprings. She keeps up with what’s going on in their lives and at the big moments like graduations and weddings, she hopes/wants to be involved. 

Dad is functionally healthier. In any checkups, he outscores mom who has hypertension and high cholesterol, amongst other ailments. But his strength has faded. His legs have gotten weak and along with that his core fitness. Moving around hurts, so he avoids that. With limited mobility, he goes out less and his social circle (not big to start with) has become smaller still. And when he does go out to socialise, his deafness prevents him from fully partaking in the conversations. Missing out on the jokes and chats, he can only imbibe the food (not easy for his lack of teeth) and wine (and this one he consumes a fair bit of). He, too, cares about his children and grandchildren. In fact, we are the only ones he cares about at all. Different from mum, his focus is less about maximising the time he can spend with us but rather slowly and surely distributing his wealth with generous gifts for every little achievement.

2025 is the year both M and J will take the next step in their lives. Having characterised one’s golden years as the 3rd act, they are about to finalise the most significant contours of their 2nd act… that of deciding and settling down with a life partner of their choice respectively. I have written before that of all the important decisions one has to make in life, this is perhaps the most important. They have both chosen well and with the life partners who hopefully balance them better and together will grow their own families however big or small. They will have to ride through the inevitables ups and downs of marriage and raising kids while juggling building their careers. My mom and dad did that. D & I have done that. While there are lows, the highs are definitely worth it and often the lows exaggerate the highs. Our home now with all its nice appointments are all the more meaningful because we started out in a linked house with no furniture for a year!

And so, on to my next act. The official retirement age here is 63. Being a sucker for numerology (irrationally), I do like this number. Said in mandarin, it sounds like “path grow”. What a nice age to step onto a new path and keep growing. It helps that in my firm, we have a glide path… to “soft retire” as my nephew had described my brother-in-law’s plan. He is my age too. So, I think that is a nice juncture to start gliding into retirement and step out of this firm that I have been part of for 26 years already. 

J has an obligation (as a scholar) to serve his bond with his employer for 3 more years. Likewise, Meg has 4 more years. As they become free of their bond, I think I should also be free of my voluntary and appreciated engagement with my firm too. This sequence of timings has a nice cadence to it. As they are free to pursue another career, I too find new purpose beyond the firm.

The firm is a partnership, of which I have a small percentage of. Unlike sole proprietorships, it is professionally run and we have a stated policy to sell down our units as we reached 20 years of partnership and by our 30th year, we would be completely sold back out to the present partners. It is a marvellous system because ownership should be in the hands of those still active and we would retire with enough capital accumulated over the years. The 5+ years path to soft and then hard retirement therefore also makes sense from a financial perspective. 

There is one more consideration: my new purpose(s). Learning from my own parents’ retirement playbook, I can project into the future what I would like my golden years to be. I would like to be as physically fit and able as ageing would allow. I would like to be with the family and especially to be there for all them so they will never have to doubt that there is a home in their corner through all trials and tribulations of life. I would want to have a group of friends, likely a small group because I prize loyalty above mere socialisation. Most important of them all is my best friend: my wife D. I would like to spend the rest of my life together with her; fit enough to see the world, to be with our families and friends and undertake projects that D & I (jointly and severally) would enjoy.