Friday, 17 April 2015

Nothing is lost forever

Nostalgia. One word. Many meanings. 

Technically, it's defined as a wistful desire to return to the past, in thought or even in fact, of pleasant times.

In more melancholic terms, it's about how this world is all painful progress, longing for what we left behind. 

But most importantly, if one gets nostalgic, then there has been moments of happiness in one's life. So, nostalgia is really about a happy life and it's accumulated memories: the day I did well in school, the family vacations, the day I got my scholarship, the day I met D, got my first job, the day I proposed and then married D, when we had J, and then M, got promoted. I reminisced about all these happy memories as I watched "Still Alice" on board a KLM flight from KL to Jakarta.

It's a slow movie, compared to the action and violence so common nowadays. There is no wizardry, compared to the computer graphics animation we see everywhere. Even the synopsis sounded slow... But it starred one of my favourite actresses, Julianne Moore, who has never been afraid of playing emotionally scarred role. It looked like Alice was one such character.

I was not wrong. She played a 50-year old woman suffering from an early onset of Alzheimer's. She's losing her mind and even more tragically her happy memories. The body is still there but like a shell. In the movie, she asks, "Who can take us seriously when we are so far away from who we once were?"

As I blog here, I realize that I am imparting my memories to this medium, to be captured in posterity. No, I don't have Alzheimer's and I hope I won't. In any case, it's comforting to know my memories are here.


"For the time being, I am still alive. I have things I want to do when alive. I still have moments when I  pure moments of joy. Please do not think I am suffering. I am not suffering. I am struggling."

‘Struggling to be a part of things. To stay connected to who I once was.’

Photo from lifethroughframes.tumblr.com

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