Parental Guidance

Mark Twain had said the two most important days in your life is when you are born and when you find out why.

I've written before our how good it is to find one's purpose. To live for something greater than oneself and to leave behind a better place. We often think about purpose as a future-oriented project, and hence something of greater value for the young. And what joy if one discovers the purpose at a younger age, like a priest who found his calling early.

Truth is, most of us take awhile. We need to understand this complex world we live on: to that every positive element has a dark seed, and conversely every bad outcome can have positive repercussion. We learn this best through experience, especially our own. So it stands to reason that it's our seniors that best understand this gift of life we have all been granted and how best to use our finite days well.

Two weeks ago, my parents visited us at home. They are seldom here and so the one night I was home with them, we chatted till the wee hours of the morning. As usual, the conversation revolved around the family: celebrating successes, empathising with challenges. As we talked, dad again recounted his childhood and how hard it was. Then it struck me. They should write it all down, and not just tales of the past but to draw broad applicable lessons from their lives. 

So, I gave mum and dad a new project, now that they have completed with distinction the construction of our house. I asked them to put in writing advice for their grandchildren, drawing from their life stories. I can readily think of quite a few:

- the importance of education (esp reading and the exposure to knowledge) above all else

- the value of hard work, and not to fear it

- the necessity to calculate but not to overdo it

- to rise again and again each time one falls

- the courage and confidence to do things, however embarrassing

I hope they can start and finish this. It'd be a nice gift from them to all of us for their golden anniversary.

On my part, I hope I have also gifted them what they find valuable. Yes, I've brought them on numerous holidays, with the Southern African Safari in 2015 being the highlight. But the vacation per se is not the aim. It's about bringing them to see God's creatures and places, spending time with them and setting a bit of an example of filial piety.

The Stranger

I read a new book recently. It's been awhile since I did so. I have a habit of re-reading books I really like. I don't know what drove me to (firstly) buy it, online and then to read it (Yes, I've bought many books I never quite could get around to starting, let alone finish).

The book is an old one, more than half a century old, by Albert Camus. The Stranger.

 The writing is in the style of a "tough guy narrating". Sentences are not superfluous. They are structured just right, even brutally so. Much like J D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. The protagonist is an anti-hero. Not quite a villian but not a hero. Kind of like John Irving's Owen Meany. There you have it, all my favorite (current) authors in a paragraph.

I was hooked from the very first line, "Maman died today.". Maybe I am feeling disconnected from my own family, my boy in particular. He's done so well - a good man - as I had alluded to in my last blog but sometimes I wish I had more time being his friend (rather than a dad dispensing advice). Again, Camus said it well. In fact, I didn't even know he said it but here's the quote (courtesy of etsy.com)


I do accept that our children grow up, and as they do, they will find their own space and out of that their own path. I hope that in the precious little time I had with them, I have been able to tell the all that I wanted to, the mistakes I made, the journeys I took and most of all that I love them. For sooner rather than later, the time would have past us by to travel together thus. What wisdom the poet Kahlil Gibran imparted when he said, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you."

Today at dinner, I truly felt that my precious boy/good man now truly belongs to Life. And in this case, it was a too scary to be true moment when life imitated art, when J said he has signed up for the army. I had just (re)watched my favourite movie, Godfather Part 2, which ended exactly with a reminscence of such a bombshell.















https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-I4VIR5yGg&feature=player_detailpage

Both of us have been trying to walk in front of each other. I hope there is still time to walk along side. An officer and his dad. This is no time for tough guys. And certainly no time to be strangers.

A good man

My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

We knew that J wasn't going to be a Picasso, nor a Mozart. 

Grandma C, who is a keen observer of life, surmised his gifts well ; she said, "J is a good fast learner and gives his all, applying his learnings". We are glad to have helped him grow into this passionate young man. From the time he was a wee boy, we had indulged his interests. We gave him great latitude and even encouraged him to go to extraordinary lengths, be this in collecting bugs and Pokemon cards, or even his initial penchant for the colour green. As he grew, these pursuits also became more meaningful: scouting, his faith, his sense of community service. 

So, God didn't bless him with artistic genius. He gave J much more; His gift to J was to ground him in doing good well, and D is very much the instrument of all these grounding.

We all know that the Military, especially a good one, is a formidable Organisation aimed at training men such that they can be mobilized to perform heroic acts to fulfill an ultimate purpose. Both Alexander the Great and Napoleon Bonaparte are quoted as saying they fear an enemy and in turn prefer their own army to be sheep led by a lion rather than lions led by sheep.

So the tradition of becoming a soldier is far more than the training to be operationally ready. Though that is what J has just completed. The larger agenda must be to find the lions amongst these soldiers who can lead, lead with courage, with integrity and with purpose. I was told by the officer in command that they evaluate the recruits on many dimensions (including peer review) and they name the best recruit. J was named the Top Recruit in his company. I can understand why being a soldier suits him. Physical training is like his fitness routine. Field camp is like an adventure. And looking after his fellow section mates comes naturally. 

As one of the 13 best recruits, he led the BMT roar for the nearly 4000 new soldiers at the floating parade square today, in the presence of his grandparents, parents, sister and friends. 

The BMTC school motto is to transform boys into men. My boy has indeed become a good man.