Growing

On M's part, she is indeed growing and learning. Her latest entry on her blog (aptly called GROWING) says it well.

Between the innocently ignorant ages of 14 and 16 I prided myself on my inability to cry, extrapolating from it some sense of strength. Nowadays even James Bond films make me tear up, and every time I do, I remember that version of myself, the one with the bluster and the bold illusion of certainty. I like to think that I hold a menagerie of these past selves within me, and I carry them with me wherever I go. From the 9-year-old desperate to get her hands on a computer so she could furiously type, to the 12-year-old willing herself to grow up, to the 19-year-old discovering that she was much less of a hero than she once imagined. Feelings are just feelings and sometimes the old ones still well up and catch me off guard. When I’m sitting cold and hunched over on the floor. The key difference though, now, is me. I laugh at my hot messes and I tell them as stories to friends at the pub. I stay at the party until it becomes fun; I give myself a chance. I eat when I’m hungry and sometimes when I’m full. I take myself out to movies and I take pride in my clothes. I stop running when I feel tired and I remember to breathe. And when I’m feeling low, as the moods come and go, I know it’s all part of the journey I’m on.

Every day I’m learning and burning, I’m unlearning and discerning.

I try to let the sights and sounds of it all pass me by, noticing without latching on. The full moon tonight is shrouded in a halo of light, outshone by the yellow glow of the streetlamp along Walton Street. One golden leaf dangles and drops from the tree, silent and solitary until it disappears among the carpet of autumn beneath my feet.

Agree to disagree

 D & M are like any mother-daughter pairs: they talk frequently and of course have their fair share of disagreeable moments. But unlike many mother-daughter pairs, they find a way to emerge healthily from these moments. And often because of big picture, big person perspectives like the one below.

Sorry I was in the midst of a work call when you called on Fri evening my time, and after that I didn’t return call coz I needed some time to process your new milestone as I wasn’t quite sure what to say, how to say, and I didn’t want to sound overly authoritarian, nor negative, but couldn’t quite bring myself to be supportive coz it is something so at odds with my preference.

Just as you are growing, I too am learning and growing, and in this case, I’m learning how to agree to disagree.

On the one hand, I’m quite glad that you took the bold step to go ahead, and to take responsibility and accountability for something we disagree on based on your own rationale and passion. Glad that you’re doing something independent, and ready to bear the brunt of any comments or perceptions opposed to your own. It is a sign of progress and growth, and confidence.

On the other, I can’t help being concerned about any repercussions, founded or imagined. I worry that this may lead to other forms or locations of other embellishments, which I truly feel you don’t need to have, as you are already a strong, good and beautiful, and an inspiration already to many. 

You see, I’ve been so intimately a part of your growth journey in so many ways, grateful that you’ve allowed me to partake in it through generous sharing of your thoughts, intentions, experiences and escapades, joys and sorrows, that I live through each as if they were my own, feeling each high and each bump with you, so much so that I’m conditioned to worrying about any pain or bump for fear of you being hurt.

But let go I must, for this is just another sign of you conquering the seas on your own. And I do have faith and therefore must have trust that you’re well able to navigate waves to find joy from each crest, and ride out each trough to emerge stronger. Indeed, as Meryl Streep said, what makes you different or weird—that’s your strength. So yes, pick a pretty one, dress up the new mole and turn it into another star. 

photo credit: Amazon

Today’s the first Sunday of Advent, another new year, most fitting for me to take stock, try again and continue to grow in my parenting adventure, to improve my way of agreeing to disagree. It’s the season of hope, love, joy and peace, and I am filled with hope for what’s ahead for all of us, love for and from all of you, joy in all our growth, and gratitude for the peace from knowing we are good with each other and knowing God is with us always.

I am sharing this letter to you with J & V, to thank them for helping me with my processing and learning in their own inimitable way .   

 

Happy Sunday :)

Love

Mom