D & M are like any mother-daughter pairs: they talk frequently and of course have their fair share of disagreeable moments. But unlike many mother-daughter pairs, they find a way to emerge healthily from these moments. And often because of big picture, big person perspectives like the one below.
Sorry I was in the midst of a work call when you called on Fri evening my time, and after that I didn’t return call coz I needed some time to process your new milestone as I wasn’t quite sure what to say, how to say, and I didn’t want to sound overly authoritarian, nor negative, but couldn’t quite bring myself to be supportive coz it is something so at odds with my preference.
Just as you are growing, I too am learning and growing, and in this case, I’m learning how to agree to disagree.
On the one hand, I’m quite glad that you took the bold step to go ahead, and to take responsibility and accountability for something we disagree on based on your own rationale and passion. Glad that you’re doing something independent, and ready to bear the brunt of any comments or perceptions opposed to your own. It is a sign of progress and growth, and confidence.
On the other, I can’t help being concerned about any repercussions, founded or imagined. I worry that this may lead to other forms or locations of other embellishments, which I truly feel you don’t need to have, as you are already a strong, good and beautiful, and an inspiration already to many.
You see, I’ve been so intimately a part of your growth journey in so many ways, grateful that you’ve allowed me to partake in it through generous sharing of your thoughts, intentions, experiences and escapades, joys and sorrows, that I live through each as if they were my own, feeling each high and each bump with you, so much so that I’m conditioned to worrying about any pain or bump for fear of you being hurt.
But let go I must, for this is just another sign of you conquering the seas on your own. And I do have faith and therefore must have trust that you’re well able to navigate waves to find joy from each crest, and ride out each trough to emerge stronger. Indeed, as Meryl Streep said, what makes you different or weird—that’s your strength. So yes, pick a pretty one, dress up the new mole and turn it into another star.
Today’s the first Sunday of Advent, another new year, most fitting for me to take stock, try again and continue to grow in my parenting adventure, to improve my way of agreeing to disagree. It’s the season of hope, love, joy and peace, and I am filled with hope for what’s ahead for all of us, love for and from all of you, joy in all our growth, and gratitude for the peace from knowing we are good with each other and knowing God is with us always.
I am sharing this letter to you with J & V, to thank them for helping me with my processing and learning in their own inimitable way .
Happy Sunday :)
Love
Mom
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