no one listens anymore

12 years and 8 months ago, I started blogging and my 2nd post ever was after overhearing my parents talking. They were in their early 70s then and though they are always bickering, there was clearly some communication going on, even in mundane moments like the one I witnessed.

It went like this ...

Love birds

He: what are you buying?

She: some flowers for the festive occasion

He: what colour did you get?

She: red, it's the right colour for the festivity

He: i like yellow. We should get yellow.

She: ok, besides the florist gave us a good deal... 25pct cheaper than the last buyer

He: then we should really go get the flowers now

She: yes, yes, let's go.

Sounds inane? Maybe... But spending a day with my parents and overhearing their conversations on the above, on food, on gardening, and countless other everyday topics, I am warmly surprised on how much conversing there is and though these are on small matters, but they represent interaction and more importantly alignment. 

It's clearly love. I love them too!

 ...

As they got older, each had become even more set in their ways; holding on to their own opinion so firmly that they no longer listen, to each other nor to others. 

This time back with them, and 270 posts later, it felt more real than ever. They still care for each other but only in their own ways and that is not necessarily in the way the other needs. And their own way is formed by their own upbringing and education which is as far apart as US and China are today. 

I cannot help but feel sad that the end of the road becomes this instead of the garden mom insisted on taking dad to although he would rather not leave the house. She loves flowers and exercising and he clearly does not.

I sometimes make a trip to my hometown to see them whenever I am in the capital for work. It was always the best part of the business trip. Concluding with a visit to my beloved parents. This teip however, it was rhe other way around. The hometown was a more stressful place to visit. 

I talked a lot with mom as she still has her mental acuity. She has to be the adult in this relationship and its the adult that is capable of making the change, initiating the move and addressing the friction. But I guess stronger though her faculties are, she is also stuck in her ways. 

😔 

to be a better place

The headlines in world news today dont make for cheerful reading: El Nino has warmed up the Pacific Ocean to highest levels in decades, and out west, Europe has recorded its hottest June-July on record and Canada's wildfires are forcing thousands to flee their homes.

Then a 7.4 magnitude earthquake in Colombia comes shortly after a similar seismic shake in Japan last month and in Venezuela the month before. Its as if mother earth is protesting.

Its not all about nature's wrath. Man-made catastrophes like the Russia-Ukraine war is well past 50months and counting and the Israel/US-Iran war looks to also be similarly unresolvable. From military to money, the news are equally frightening. FIFA's chief Infantino has lost the confidence of confederation members over his proposal to sell the commercial aspects of footballing.

Given my involvement on these topics, professionally speaking, its not unexpected that I am uneasy and want to do something about it. Nowadays though, there is both a sense of urgency as well as optimism. 

Time is of the essence insofar as climate change actions are concerned. We need to act now... because we are already late. On a more personal bote though, I need to act because there is going to be a new generation to care for and as far as I can, I'd like to leave behind a better world for my grandchild (beyond my wonderful self-propelled kids).

Speaking of my kids, M just hosted her first meals in her own place last weekend. Over the long national day weekend, she got her old friends over for lunch and then D&I joined her & J for dinner. Later in the evening J&N came over to collect some soups D had prepared for them and I was happy to see a growing bump on N. 

self propelled kids! aces!

It’s amusing how the story of our family can almost be told through three simple acronyms, as far as our vehicular registrations go. 

When D&I were growing up, life was simple and getting around meant taking SBS — Singapore Bus Services. Buses weren’t just transport; they were part of everyday life, carrying us to school, work, and everywhere in between.

Then came J and M. For this generation, the transport system evolved into SDS — the Singapore D Service. Mum became the chauffeur, happily making countless morning runs, afternoon pick-ups, weekend activities, and late-night collections. Every journey was another conversation, another laugh, another memory made together.

Now they’ve both grown up and are living your own independent lives. The family transport system has entered its latest chapter: SPK. The progress speaks for itself: self-powered kids who have become adults, making their own journeys, charting their own destinations, and building lives of their own.

Looking back, it’s remarkable how those three acronyms capture the passage of time—from being passengers on public buses, to being passengers in our family car, to becoming drivers of your own futures. And while the mode of transport has changed with each generation, one thing never has: wherever life takes us, we’re always travelling the same journey as a family.

PS: the first two cars were our daily drivers in Malaysia and it was in the Proton Wira that D first learnt to drive. We then began to love bigger SUVs beginning with the reconditioned Honda CRV that sported a nice (lucky) 7318 number. We then moved to Singapore with the Opel Zafira, an MPV to accommodate our full sized nuclear family then and thereafter went back to SUVs, first a rebadged Harrier to the RX300, then a proper Lexus 400h. We then went properly into the grandmaster of the 4×4 offroad vehicle, the Land Rover. First the Discovery (which many contractors admired), then the Ocean 11 Range Rover Sport (in Santorini Black, what else!). All these SUVs bore the same SDS number. And to mark our new era of self-propelled kids, we now have a Land Rover Defender in pangea green (of course) which is a plug in hybrid EV to boot with the SPK acronyms.

a new start

You all know my passion for chronicling. I do so to understand our history. But not so much to live in the past as to provide a rock solid foundation to enable proper enjoyment of the present moment and to propel all of you into the future.

Like the movie we watched together yesterday, even though there is no spring season in Singapore, you will always represent new growth in my heart.

That hesitant figure, eddying away

Like a winged seed loosened from its parent stem,

Has something I never quite grasp to convey

About nature’s give-and-take — the small, the scorching

Ordeals which fire one’s irresolute clay.

I have had worse partings, but none that so

Gnaws at my mind still. Perhaps it is roughly

Saying what God alone could perfectly show —

How selfhood begins with a walking away,

And love is proved in the letting go.

These words of Cecil Day Lewis from his poem Walking Away resonated in my soul. Yes, they are walking away because they're able to. And their direction is up and onwards. What more joy can a parent expect. 

My heart is full. My soul is sated. I am grateful.