no one listens anymore

12 years and 8 months ago, I started blogging and my 2nd post ever was after overhearing my parents talking. They were in their early 70s then and though they are always bickering, there was clearly some communication going on, even in mundane moments like the one I witnessed.

It went like this ...

Love birds

He: what are you buying?

She: some flowers for the festive occasion

He: what colour did you get?

She: red, it's the right colour for the festivity

He: i like yellow. We should get yellow.

She: ok, besides the florist gave us a good deal... 25pct cheaper than the last buyer

He: then we should really go get the flowers now

She: yes, yes, let's go.

Sounds inane? Maybe... But spending a day with my parents and overhearing their conversations on the above, on food, on gardening, and countless other everyday topics, I am warmly surprised on how much conversing there is and though these are on small matters, but they represent interaction and more importantly alignment. 

It's clearly love. I love them too!

 ...

As they got older, each had become even more set in their ways; holding on to their own opinion so firmly that they no longer listen, to each other nor to others. 

This time back with them, and 270 posts later, it felt more real than ever. They still care for each other but only in their own ways and that is not necessarily in the way the other needs. And their own way is formed by their own upbringing and education which is as far apart as US and China are today. 

I cannot help but feel sad that the end of the road becomes this instead of the garden mom insisted on taking dad to although he would rather not leave the house. She loves flowers and exercising and he clearly does not.

I sometimes make a trip to my hometown to see them whenever I am in the capital for work. It was always the best part of the business trip. Concluding with a visit to my beloved parents. This teip however, it was rhe other way around. The hometown was a more stressful place to visit. 

I talked a lot with mom as she still has her mental acuity. She has to be the adult in this relationship and its the adult that is capable of making the change, initiating the move and addressing the friction. But I guess stronger though her faculties are, she is also stuck in her ways. 

😔