Charting the future

Peter Drucker once said that the best way to predict the future is to just get out there to create it. Yesterday, we had a chance to lunch with J to talk about his future. Moments like what we had today at lunch are getting fewer and far between. And that is only right because he has greater responsibilities now. It makes the time we had today all the more precious.

As his parents, we have lived through enough and while we had nearly two decades to share our experiences with him, some learnings are best imparted at the right juncture. If we had shared our marriage philosophies with a teenage boy then, I doubt he would have understood it then, even as smart as he is.

He listened well and so did we. I am particularly pleased to hear that his "combined" household income is  4 times what D and I had when we were contemplating marriage and with another difference: then the ratio of contribution was reversed. D was the main breadwinner then. :-). So in the 80:20 game, they are already the 80%! So, are starting from a good place. 

He has always heard me say that life is a marathon. There are many stages: school, career, marriage, parenthood, empty nest, retirement and then the final rest stop. No one wins all the stages. Sticking to the analogy, even a champion marathoner doesn’t lead the race all the way to the finish. Some stages matter more than others. Doing well in school is important because it lays the strong foundation and opens many doors. A right partner to spend a lifetime of with is the key to happiness. Raising children to be happy and comfortable in their own skin is joy untold. In the end, we all go back to our maker and hope to have left the world a little better than we have found it. So there really is no point comparing where one is in the race of life at this early stage. By many accounts, he has already won stage 1 and should be confident that the foundation is strong, the doors are open and he can take his time to choose the right path.

What is the right path then? Few would argue that it would be the one that leads to wisdom, leads to blessings, leads to wealth and leads to peace. Again, using the 80:20 rule: wisdom comes from on 20% theoretical intelligence and 80% learned application. Blessings come from less from wishing and more from being grateful. Wealth is more rewarding when it is earned rather than granted. Peace comes from listening vs talking. 

As he reaches the third and fourth stages of life’s marathon, the above principles will serve him well. Like the parable of teaching a man to fish instead of giving him one, as parents, we have endowed our children with sufficient fishing knowledge and skills that they can hopefully now do so for life. Once in a while though, because we love them, we have given you a fish or two. The two fishes we give now are of two kinds: the spiritual and the material.

We do so in the hope that they will both be united in love and faith for life is full of joys pains and mystery and what better way for their journey together to be in the company of God as they experience these together. This spiritual gift we will pray that you be grateful and hence receive the divine blessings.

For the material gift, we want to do this right, ie we don’t wish for this to be misunderstood esp. as other financial arrangements are also being put in place with other family members. So, we would like for this not to be a financial arrangement but rather a matrimonial gift on the day when they solemnise theirr marriage and can then use this to procure their matrimonial asset together. It’s a gift of our love from the both of us to the the both of them.

PS: the seek and strive trait is strong and so is the planning one. I mentioned before that I do the vision thing. Imagine a future 5-10 years out and work backwards to what I need to do now to get there. J himself pointed out that he appreciated such long term perspectives. I did that while posted alone in Bangkok and Ho Chi Minh City, and picturing a future with D with kids in a house. I did that also in my career that actually eased my decision to take one step back knowing it will propel me two steps forward. And so it thrilled me (and I mentioned it to D last night) that J too is looking 3-5 years out and working backwards to what he should do now. He may be in the military now and I had thought the apple fell far from the tree but events the last few weeks suggest he is much closer to me than I had thought :-)