Sweet Spot Wisdom

My mom, knowing that I love to collect things, decided to give me some owls, which she had procured from various vacation souvenir shops. I have since added to this starter pack and now have a parliament of owls lining the ceiling in my study.

I see them whenever I work from home and that happens a fair bit nowadays. I don't think it's because their big googly eyes stare back at me but from a young age I have been quite the owl. I would sleep late - often well past midnight. It's a habit that suits D. She is an early bird and would go to bed early but is easily spooked when sleeping lightly. I have been on the receiving end of her annoyance whenever I climb into bed thumpingly or declare my "love only love". So, going to bed when she has fallen into deep sleep means I can settle in, listen to some boring YouTube podcast and fall asleep myself. 

Last night, as I stayed up to watch the final episode of Clarkson's Farm 4, I was joined by the third woman i love dearly: my daughter, together with her fiancee. We joked about visiting Jeremy Clarkson's pub, The Farmer's Dog, the next time we are in England together; perhaps (wink wink) when they are having an Oxford college wedding. I love it that I can talk so openly with M & J.

Mother, wife, daughter : a trinity of love that will make anyone a happy man. Add father, son and children in-law, the love is more than complete. Seven-fold, the magic number indicating perfect fullness.

My train has arrived at a happy station... though I think it still has some more stops to make. There is indeed a destination. There is this chart I saw (as meaningful as ikigai) which depicted a Venn diagram of health, wealth and time. Few people can reach this point which HBS referred to as the sweet spot wisdom.

I think of my cousin in law, P, who passed last week. A good man who has accomplished much in life. Rising from humble means to manage one of the country's top law firm. And accomplished and awarded lawyer himself, he also served the country and social causes. However, at 61, a year before his retirement, he fell ill. He never got to that point, though he clearly got to his ikigai (what we are good at, what the world needs, our job and our purpose).

I discussed with D that I would like to enjoy our third act together. Over the next three to four years, there are some milestones ahead to enjoy. First J&N's wedding, then M&J's, the completion of the scholarship bonds. I think I should also use the foundation if ikigai and move into the next stage of life together with D: spending more time with the seven-fold love and hopefully growing family.

两人世界

This is another succinct 4 word Chinese idiom. It’s more than there being two less lonely people in the world, cue Air Supply song :-). It means more. It means two people who are so in love with each other other that when they are together, it becomes the whole world and the world is enough.

OK, I don’t really buy it. The world does not exist in a bubble, let alone one that only has two people. That said, when we are travelling - strangers in a strange land - where the only people we know are each other, it’s inevitable that the world is just us. We open it up immediately for others, even strangers, for good and bad. 

We met J twice in Munich, for dinner and then brunch the next day. Happy to have been able to do so. After all, it made the transit stop all the sweeter.

We also, er… D did, entertain a talkative cab driver who rushed us to the dinner venue last night after I misread the driving time as walking time. Still on the point of cab drivers, I have a bone to pick up with Uber. I made a reservation to go to the airport but the assigned driver (due to an accident on the road) couldn’t get to me on time. He cancelled the booking. I did not rebook. Yet another driver came after we had caught a taxi from the hotel and that driver had the temerity to charge me a cancellation fee. I tried to halt the charge but the credit card company said I had to take it up with the ride hailing company. So, the world expanded to a few more (unpleasant) people. 

That’s part of travel, or rather that’s part of the real world and frustrating as it can be, it’s still worth the while to go see the world.

In recent years, as I try to slow down at work, I make it a point on business trips to not rush around so much. Yes, there were moments when I flew to a city 20 hours away just for a 2 hour meeting and flew right back again. Nowadays, I try to see the city and more often than not with D. She is the one who decides if she wants to join me. So far, she decided to go to exotic (read, third world) countries in the Middle East, Central Asia, Africa and Southeast Asia. Indeed, since the trip to Rome (and Southern Italy) in conjunction with my public sector leadership team meeting, we have not been to a developed country. 

When it was announced that this global partners meeting will take place in Vienna, we thought it’s worth doing the trip. We were last here together in 1992 when D and her freshly graduated university mates took a celebratory 6-week tour across Europe and I joined her for parts including in Munich and Vienna. 

33 years is a long time (a third of a long life) and we count our blessings, we have kept each other company all these time. And that’s perhaps the greatest gift we have given each other: time. 

Flying over, I watched a HK movie on board called Echoes of the Rainbow. A poignant movie recalling how hard it was in 1960s colonial HK when one is not connected or skilled (esp in the English language). The movie started with a quote, “the greatest thief of all is time”. I watched another movie on the flight to Munich, Oh Canada where an ageing director recalled his days. There was a line, “there comes a point when you have little time left and all you have is the past. But if the past is all lies, then what are you: a fiction?” 

So, the time we can spend together now and hopefully for another 33 more years if we are so lucky is precious. We will still agonise over lost luggage (like the time in Sicily…. “Bagasi, anyone?”), I will still get worried if D is late for the flight (having lost track of time) and she will still be anxious over the temperature report on the weather channel. Yes, we can be late, lost or lern but hopefully these are just episodes with small things; and with the most important things is life, ie faith, hope and love, we don’t want to lose these or to have these fade to cold. 

We wish that to for our children. D meeting J here was a good milestone. We have now as a parent, met both our children partners on their own, on their turf. We recognise them and we welcome them as our own into the family. We trust they will go on and expand in faith, hope and love too.

One thing for sure, they will certainly grow in terms of perspectives. When told that Germans are efficient, J thought about it and said it’s more like Germans are good at making complex things simple. Which explains their superiority in cars and other high precision machines. He went on to say, it’s unlike the Americans who are celebrated for taking something that works and to disrupt that. Our expanding family with Asian heritage, education in the US and UK and a good dose of German in the mix should certainly all benefit from each other. That’s my wish anyway. It’s going to be much more than a 2-person world. And I am happy for that.

A Singaporean with an Americano walking towards the Chinese Tower in the English Garden of a German city. Can't get any more international than this!