from ABCDEFG to PQRSTUV

J is in town again: this time for his longest period yet (4 weeks) on a long term visit pass and already warmly welcomed at the airport with passport less entry! Both he and M are slowly and surely taking progressive steps to staying together, just like J & N who exchanged vows earlier this year. 

In fact, this is the first time our F6 team gathered since the wedding over two months ago. With all of these milestones, it’s only natural that I also think about mine.

My weekend walks (often for two hours) afforded me ample time to think this through carefully. In my case, the milestone I am approaching - just as the young ones step into their 2nd act - is my third act. The key is not about simply letting go and doing nothing. That is the surest path to purposelessness, boredom and perhaps dementia. Yes, it’s a retirement (from one stage of life) but an entry into another one filled with new adventures. It is joyful indeed that, at this age, I am still able to go on new journeys and discover what mysteries there are still in store. 

Maya Angelou famously said, “You can’t really know where you are going until you know where you have been.”. So let me start there… where I have been. 

Its never easy summarising 58 years but the long walks helped me frame this. In all these time, I have climbed seven pillars: ABCDEFG. 

A is for Academics; and not just the classical primary, secondary and tertiary schools but rather lifelong learning. It’s been quite a journey from caning at the first day of school to Cambridge to fulfill a childhood dream of learning!

Bohemian - rhapsody of rebellion, a maverick not afraid to colour outside the lines: not a prefect, still a leader with stripes to prove it

Confidence plus communications (despite my lisp) coupled with charisma and courage (including the certainty that I should take 1 step back to go 2 step forwards) 

Dreams - in the long car rides to Batang, I would stare out of the window and daydream. That dream became D who made them come true, including to develop houses and homes for us all to grow in.

Excellence - esp in my career. I really only understood what it meant to be world class when I was asked to help another country with their National IT Agenda. What a path it has been from Malacca to Singapore/Bangkok/Zurich to KL/Korea/China.

F is for family and friends and I count myself lucky to still have a handful of these to hang out with anytime we want. Indeed, the best ones were made back then.

G: I could be obnoxious and bask in the fact that I lived up to my zodiac animal, the Goat. But no, I don’t think I have been the greatest of all time. God is. And I am grateful that I had the opportunity to receive his blessings when I was at my lowest with a paralysed hand. 

Having done all of the above what’s next? 

First the numbers have to add up. The young ones told us oldies about FIRE: financially independent, retire early. I think we got the first part and so it’s now on to the next. Is it late or early… while we hope to have a good health span and yes, we hope this is early enough.

Over the next 3 years, as J, N & M serve out their bonds, I will also see out my time as a full time executive. I will then move into my PQRSTUV phase.

Purpose, and after profitable years past, will now be for People & Planet.

Questions remain. My intellectual curiosity remains. So I will keep searching for answers and not just doing so alone but rather, I will pose questions to my network and together we can answer some of them, whether informally in chats or recorded for posterity on Spotify and YouTube.

Relationships with family (of course one longs for grandchildren to dote on, including to pass on life lessons to, not to mention finding that one who inherited the chronicler gene) and friends (including or particularly with those that need repairing). I have taken stands all my life and it’s inevitable that I have also stepped on toes. 

Stories, which I hope to tell in a book, in a screenplay or perhaps in a movie! 

Travel … but not in snippets of sights and sounds but rather in journeys extended by long walks, wheels over rails and gliding over water (WWW).

Unfinished business - whether on boards or with clients and colleagues or with my car collection and generally tidying up all my collections

And finally to V. I think I have this far led a voracious, sometimes volcanic, sometimes valiant but always a visceral life (my wife calls me boomz as I always fill up the room). As you can tell though these are emotive words though they thematically belong to the vivid end of the spectrum. If not for my dear wife, the love of my wife, who balances my universe… I would not have had the opportunity to do all I have been able to and more importantly, I would not have learnt how to be vulnerable, to be vigilant and to be virtuous (nice connect to the last letter of my current act).

I hope my next act will be several decades long. I hope to be in good health to enjoy them all. And most of all, I thank God for the opportunity to plan this and to be able to look forward to the mysteries ahead and may they unfold slowly for me along the way ahead.

a trilogy of poems, united

It is said that before entering the sea

a river trembles with fear.

She looks back at the path she has traveled,

from the peaks of the mountains,

the long winding road crossing forests and villages.

And in front of her,

she sees an ocean so vast,

that to enter

there seems nothing more than to disappear forever.

But there is no other way.

The river can not go back.

Nobody can go back.

To go back is impossible in existence.

The river needs to take the risk

of entering the ocean

because only then will fear disappear,

because that’s where the river will know

it’s not about disappearing into the ocean,

but of becoming the ocean.

Kahlil Gibran

Credit: Hemaraj Laten

 

You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.

Rumi

The past and present wilt—I have fill’d them, emptied them,

And proceed to fill my next fold of the future.

Listener up there! what have you to confide to me?

Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,

(Talk honestly, no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute longer.)

Do I contradict myself?

Very well then I contradict myself,

(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

Walt Whitman

and that is why God made the world

On board, flying from Singapore to Bangkok to Kuala Lumpur and back to Singapore over a three day period, I had multiple chances to partake of the inflight entertainment served on board.

I watched three interesting movies, Bonnhoffer, Chuck (The Life Of), Discovery (The)

. The alphabetical order aside, there was a philosophical theme to it. Serendipitous perhaps... but I also this gift to find patterns. And there certainly was a consistent theme threading across all three movies; and it is this: what is life and what do we make of ours?

In Chuck, a line in the Walt Whitman poem, Song of Myself, struck me, "I am large. I contain multitudes". Everything we see, everyone we know, every place we have been in, every day since birth are in our heads. Our whole universe, in fact. I recall the quote, that the drop in the ocean is also the ocean in a drop. It made me think of what we are to do with this life of ours, within this universe of ours. Chuck died at the age of 39 in the movie, a death he foresaw, and helped him resolve to live his life until it ran out. On his deathbed, Chuck could not remember much but he did recall his dance with a stranger one afternoon and the joy it brought everyone watching and despite all the pains in the universe, that is why God made the world.

Ironically, I watched Discovery because a life had just passed. Robert Redford's. He was 89. In the movie though he portrayed a scientist researching what happens when a life passes. He found that the consciousness does not die. It goes on to the next plane of existence. And that it its not merely a memory. That consciousness goes to a new place where it reimagines life's regrettable moments. It gives itself to chance to redeem past wrongs. And it can keep cycling back until the situation is corrected.

 Redford was one of the more decent humans in Hollywood. When President Obama awarded him the medal of freedom, his citation read "Robert Redford has captivated audiences from both sides of the camera through entertaining motion pictures that often explored vital social, political, and historical themes.

"His lifelong advocacy on behalf of preserving our environment will prove as an enduring legacy as will his pioneering support for independent filmmakers across America.". But even he would have his own demons. Perhaps his spirit is resolving those now.

Few of us however are as blessed as Bonhoeffer, who actually ran out of life at the age of 39 when he was hung by the Nazis. A Lutheran pastor and founder of the Confessing Church, he left notbone but two marks in the world. The first was his writings, including his 1937 book The Cost of Discipleship, described as a modern classic, which shaped the place of Christianity in the secular world. The second was an act of courage at a time when few were prepared to be brave in Germany. Bonhoeffer staunchly resisted the Nazi dictatorship, including vocal opposition to Nazi euthanasia program and genocidal persecution of Jews. He paid for these acts of defiance with his own life a mere two weeks before the Nazis fell. His own compatriot, Rev Martin Niemoller, penned these immortal words:

First they came for the Communists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Communist

Then they came for the Socialists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews

And I did not speak out

Because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me

And there was no one left

To speak out for me.

Bonhoeffer, however, dared to speak out and shall be remembered for it. What a legacy he has left.

And that is why God made the world.

about parenting

First off, I appreciate my kids sharing what the notion of sharenting is! I learnt a new word, and understood a new concept. I like to think of myself as a lifelong learner and am grateful that I was taught something new.

Of course, I know parenting first hand. Yes, i have read books and also received much advice. But my best parenting lessons have come from observing other wonderful mom and dads, including my very own... and naturally from my own experiences.

What I learnt is that parenting is not just about the present. In fact, its power lies in its second order effect. I should explain: when parents protect their kids, the young ones may grow up lacking courage. When parents indulge the young ones, they grow up entitled. When they over-celebrate every moment, the children grow up needing affirmation. When they are pushed too hard, they may lack confidence.

There is even a third order effect because we all know what the real world is like: it needs courage, it requires personal effort, it doesn't always reward the way one expects and we all know the value of having confidence... and the lack of these qualities lead to other consequences.

Unfortunately, in the moment, many parents dont appreciate the longer term effects. On my part, I think I am aware of it. I even try to put it into practice. 

Its a bit of an occupational hazard with me, being a strategy advisor. I tend to see things in the future. But as a parent, I can only stand aside, having raised the children all these years and hope that enough wisdom have been transferred as they confront their own challenges in their own lives. 

With my offsprings all grown up now, I have little (or no more) say in their lives anymore. Now it remains for me to be happy and proud of my kids. In fact, I guess it is sharenting. 

As a parent, its one of the few things we can still do and I hope to do it wisely, celebrating my own pride and joy

a grandmother's outpouring of happiness

大家好！

恭喜政杰与欣仪的婚礼办得非常11成功，充满着温馨，快乐，开心的气氛

还有美味的菜肴及美酒。让大家留下美好的回忆！赞赞赞❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

Hello everyone!

Congratulations to J and N on their incredibly successful wedding, filled with warmth, joy, and happiness.

Delicious food and fine wine were also included. It left everyone with wonderful memories! Thumbs up!

回到家了！

勾起我很多的回忆，

政杰欣仪的婚礼

孩子们，孙子们

相聚在一起，

开心，快乐，温馨

笑声 此起彼落，

真的真的令我太开心了，我已经吃晚餐了，但是我仍坐在这里发呆，思念，我好想念一幕又一幕，我又笑又流泪，但这一切都是回想在一起的开心，我必须离开餐桌了，我告诉自己

天下没有不散的筵席，我会还有同样开心的相聚，我写着写着我的泪水不是慢慢流下而是哭.

Back home!

It brings back so many memories.

Zhengjie and Xinyi's wedding.

The children, the grandchildren.

All together.

Happy, joyful, warm.

Laughter echoes.

I'm truly, truly happy. I've already had dinner, but I'm still sitting here in a daze, yearning. I miss every moment, scene after scene. I laugh and cry, but all of this is just the joy of recalling our time together. I must leave the table. I tell myself, "All good things must come to an end. I'll have another equally joyful reunion." As I write, my tears aren't just flowing, they're crying.

你们都是他的宝贝，他逐渐老了，我仍然很爱他， 虽然我们常常吵，吵不代表不爱，也许是越吵越长寿吧！但愿如此。

请你们不要为我俩的吵而操 心，と 我继续写着但人流泪到哭到抽泣。好了，不多写了，你们的成就，梦想，读书，考试都要付出努力，但是要注意健康，健康确是排在第一。

My children, grandchildren, and grandchildren, I truly love you and Dad, Tata/Kong Kong.

You are all his treasures. He's getting older, but I still love him dearly. Even though we often argue, it doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore. Perhaps the more we argue, the longer we live! I hope so.

Please don't worry about our arguments. I continue writing, but I'm crying and sobbing. Okay, enough. You all need to work hard for your achievements, dreams, studies, and exams, but pay attention to your health. Health truly comes first.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

我不太会用手机

又不会检查生字

就发出了.

我对时代的技能

太差了,请大家原谅,希望你看得明白.谢谢大家！

I'm not very good at using my phone, and I don't know how to check new words, so I just posted this.

My understanding of the times is quite poor, so please forgive me. I hope you understand. Thank you!

爸爸和我为你们骄傲,继续努力,加油, 加油！💪💪💪😢😢😢😂😂😂

Dad and I are proud of you. Keep working hard. Come on, come on! 💪💪💪😢😢😢😂😂😂

a gift to welcome a new family member

Dearest N!

It's finally here! The day we've all been eagerly awaiting, the day which J & you have been preparing months, if not years for!

We're so glad to welcome you customarily today into our fold, for you're already very much a part of our small family:)

Here's a little bracelet-bangle we picked out together - Dad, Megs, Julian & I - we liked that there's an intertwine of gold and white gold: for us symbolising the embrace of the old and the new, that there is strength in the weave - symbolising strong bonds, and it reminded us of the friendship anklet J and you wore, symbolising our love & friendship.

We hope you'll enjoy this little gift, and we're looking forward to cheering you and J onto your next new chapter together!

a mother's loving prayer

Heavenly Father, we commit J & N's wedding to you this Saturday afternoon. Grant them good weather, that all is well & smooth going in your favors. Be it in the church, bless all the friends & relatives unity , peace & joy, as we come together in this joyous occasion to be with the couple. 

May your holy presence be among us. Bless the lovely flower girls (E & K), good stamina, joy, laughter tmr in the church, so they will enjoy it. 

 Even, in the evening, all will be well, during the wedding dinner, in Jesus mighty name, amen🙏🥰❤️

All of D's prayers came true. 

God truly did bless us with clear skies, 

and many happy smiles; 

psalm verses that touch the heart, 

friends and family who played their part.