For your 2nd act

 “When one door closes, another opens”; you may have heard this phrase before and it is certainly applicable to many aspects on one’s life. But I never quite thought it could be applicable across lives. What I meant was when Malaysia shut its door on me (for the Reciprocal Green Lane travel), J got his approval to travel to the UK to further his studies and M got invited to present to CAG’s senior management and 100 of her colleagues on the findings from her work during the internship. Now, these are wonderful doors to open.

 

The fact that I thought of this quote, and even felt that it was applicable across different individuals, is a good indication of how I think of the two of you in our (your parents’) lives. We see our lives as joined with yours, and that is why over the precious 6 months we spent together we felt free to discuss deep issues intimately as well as intimate issues deeply with each of you.

 

This half year has been God-sent especially for me. Both of you are now in your 2^nd act: young adults now making your own way in the world; and if mum’s and my own 2^nd acts are any guide, we were increasingly focussed on ourselves. I know both of you will be too. So, this past period has indeed been good for us to have had so much of your time.

 

I said to J last night that as part of my job, I size up a situation (or a person) quickly. I needed to do so as I need to absorb as much knowledge as possible before I make a decision. An occupational hazard therefore is I can be judgmental. Combine with the ability to express myself clearly, confidently and also loudly, I do know I can be overbearing in conversations and you both have probably experienced that more times than you care to remember. I am saying this here in this letter because I am not afraid of my weakness. I know it is there and I know how it has developed, and you can sometimes (maybe not often enough) see me trying to moderate that, mostly by using humour and that hearty laugh of mine.

 

credit: eurovision.tv

So, as your 2^nd act stage lays before you in the coming years, doors will keep opening and closing and sometimes you will find that closed doors are just as good because it forces you to go look for opened (and better) doors elsewhere. Many of these doors are inside you, like your strengths and weaknesses. I would encourage you to celebrate your strengths and also embrace your weaknesses: recognise them and work on them just as I am able to laugh at being judgmental.

 

I love you both dearly

 

 

 

 

It's all about balance

I came across a LinkedIn post from a colleague who put forth  the Top 5 attributes of leadership.

1 Try and take yourself out of the equation when you are taking a decision for the organisation

2 Always face reality, be authentic but give hope and purpose

3 Don’t ask people to do what you have not done before yourself

4 Surround yourself with strong people and help them succeed – they make you fly too

5 Keep your feet on the ground and your eyes on the stars. But never let your feet leave the ground

As I reflected on these, as I always do when encountering words of wisdom, I found that all these statements have a common trait: balance. Be it about reaching high but staying rooted. Or providing hope but being real. Of helping others and helping oneself in return.

I then also thought if such a balance can be found in one person, or in this case one leader. Can you really take yourself out of the equation when you are one of the, if not the most, key person in an organisation when taking a decision? How does one find the balance. I felt that the trick is going beyond one. The way to balance is to have at least two people (with opposite traits), in a creative, no-malice intended, shared purpose tension.

This became a topic of conversation with D during a weekend afternoon drive.  She cut right to the chase by quoting from the good book. 

"It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." (Genesis 2:18)

I find this so true. It is not good to be alone. Having someone with a shared purpose, who means no harm, and yet who holds opposite perspectives (like D being the deep roots while I provide the strong wings) is the answer. By answer, I mean the sought after ultimate state of being. Outside of Christian traditions, the Taoists hold as the central theme the Yin-Yang balance and Buddha himself learned to not go to extremes: the story goes that Siddhartha upon realisation of the suffering of his subjects, left his life of comfort and his family and became an ascetic to seek an end to miseries of mankind. 

He studied with prominent teachers and mastered all the techniques. He followed the teachings of ascetics and mistakenly believed the way to freedom was to completely deny bodily needs and any pleasures. Despite his strenuous determination, Siddhartha's efforts were futile and after some reflection, he decided to accept nourishment and cared for his body and changed the way he was seeking enlightenment. 

The bible speaks of marriage as being a celestial unbreakable bond. That a man shall leave his parents and find his half and what God then puts together shall not be separated, for the man and the woman has become as one.

This brings me back to the point about whether the leadership attributes can be found in one person. The truth of the matter is yes, even if you only have half the attributes my colleague had described. Because you are only half a person. Your spouse completes you and brings forth the remaining attributes. The organisation you both lead (as one) is the family and in that context, living up to all the five attributes are not that far fetched.