The Stranger

I read a new book recently. It's been awhile since I did so. I have a habit of re-reading books I really like. I don't know what drove me to (firstly) buy it, online and then to read it (Yes, I've bought many books I never quite could get around to starting, let alone finish).

The book is an old one, more than half a century old, by Albert Camus. The Stranger.

 The writing is in the style of a "tough guy narrating". Sentences are not superfluous. They are structured just right, even brutally so. Much like J D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. The protagonist is an anti-hero. Not quite a villian but not a hero. Kind of like John Irving's Owen Meany. There you have it, all my favorite (current) authors in a paragraph.

I was hooked from the very first line, "Maman died today.". Maybe I am feeling disconnected from my own family, my boy in particular. He's done so well - a good man - as I had alluded to in my last blog but sometimes I wish I had more time being his friend (rather than a dad dispensing advice). Again, Camus said it well. In fact, I didn't even know he said it but here's the quote (courtesy of etsy.com)


I do accept that our children grow up, and as they do, they will find their own space and out of that their own path. I hope that in the precious little time I had with them, I have been able to tell the all that I wanted to, the mistakes I made, the journeys I took and most of all that I love them. For sooner rather than later, the time would have past us by to travel together thus. What wisdom the poet Kahlil Gibran imparted when he said, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you and though they are with you yet they belong not to you."

Today at dinner, I truly felt that my precious boy/good man now truly belongs to Life. And in this case, it was a too scary to be true moment when life imitated art, when J said he has signed up for the army. I had just (re)watched my favourite movie, Godfather Part 2, which ended exactly with a reminscence of such a bombshell.















https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-I4VIR5yGg&feature=player_detailpage

Both of us have been trying to walk in front of each other. I hope there is still time to walk along side. An officer and his dad. This is no time for tough guys. And certainly no time to be strangers.

A good man

My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

We knew that J wasn't going to be a Picasso, nor a Mozart. 

Grandma C, who is a keen observer of life, surmised his gifts well ; she said, "J is a good fast learner and gives his all, applying his learnings". We are glad to have helped him grow into this passionate young man. From the time he was a wee boy, we had indulged his interests. We gave him great latitude and even encouraged him to go to extraordinary lengths, be this in collecting bugs and Pokemon cards, or even his initial penchant for the colour green. As he grew, these pursuits also became more meaningful: scouting, his faith, his sense of community service. 

So, God didn't bless him with artistic genius. He gave J much more; His gift to J was to ground him in doing good well, and D is very much the instrument of all these grounding.

We all know that the Military, especially a good one, is a formidable Organisation aimed at training men such that they can be mobilized to perform heroic acts to fulfill an ultimate purpose. Both Alexander the Great and Napoleon Bonaparte are quoted as saying they fear an enemy and in turn prefer their own army to be sheep led by a lion rather than lions led by sheep.

So the tradition of becoming a soldier is far more than the training to be operationally ready. Though that is what J has just completed. The larger agenda must be to find the lions amongst these soldiers who can lead, lead with courage, with integrity and with purpose. I was told by the officer in command that they evaluate the recruits on many dimensions (including peer review) and they name the best recruit. J was named the Top Recruit in his company. I can understand why being a soldier suits him. Physical training is like his fitness routine. Field camp is like an adventure. And looking after his fellow section mates comes naturally. 

As one of the 13 best recruits, he led the BMT roar for the nearly 4000 new soldiers at the floating parade square today, in the presence of his grandparents, parents, sister and friends. 

The BMTC school motto is to transform boys into men. My boy has indeed become a good man. 

Yin & Yang

Wikipedia has this to say: In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (also yin-yang or yin yang, 陰陽 yīnyáng "dark—bright") describes how opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. 

I am no chauvinist and fully believe in the capabilities of women and have in fact stated many times that women are often the more talented. That said, in today's "lean in" world, many misunderstand what this means and if women need to be more like men to make it.

If indeed the world becomes like that, it would be the poorer for it. Men and women complement each other and together are whole, complete. By becoming more like the other, it stands to reason that some elements of yin, or yang, would be lost. 

This fact manifest itself most weekends for me. 

I get to spend some quality time with M ferrying her to and from tuition and conversations always flow easily (unless when she is too tired and naps on the ride). I would ask about something, she would respond, I would add to it. Long juicy exchanges. She is a good listener and a good talker too!

I don't get as much opportunities with J, especially now. So last week, I engineered a special time to meet. A 'Rich Old Auntie' teatime to be precise like so many ROAs I've done with M in the past. But our conversation was tentative, abrupt and in his case his contribution to the dialogue are usually staccato responses. Is he acting the strong, silent type; or is he actually being purposefully disdainful because he has nothing to add to the matter being chatted about (either because he already knows what he knows, or he doesn't care for my thoughts, or both)? In any case if it's disdain then he would be the poorer for it. No one knows everything. One is always on a learning journey and having mentors is one of the greatest treasure in life. Then again, it's the prerogative of youth to chart their own path, for this is how new and wonderful change can happen, to themselves and their world.

He's fast becoming an adult (legally), though with the national service and then university, he's about 'flown the coop' as well as one can. I couldn't spend time in his earlier years. In future, father-son time would be even more scarce. I get it that he's his own man. But hopefully a man who is lucky enough to benefit from the wisdom of others and even more blessed if these giants allow him to stand on their shoulders to see further.

Back to yin-yang duality, I hope M doesn't see the macho strong silent mode as being the archetype for success. She can stay who she is and be happy.

Golden Anniversary

"The Chinese New Year, also called the Spring Festival, has been celebrated for over 4000 years by the Chinese to welcome the new year. This time we are welcoming the fire monkey, reputedly an auspicious sign. Indeed, many Chinese out great store in such beliefs and though some practices have faded, many still observe the custom of spring cleaning, avoiding taboo activities (like breaking things) and of course the deeply meaningful reunion dinner on Chinese New Year eve with the extended family. "

I wrote that to all my staff in Southeast Asia just before we broke for the long weekend to celebrate the lunar new year. It's been one of my singular pleasures as the leader of the system to share thoughts with them in reflective notes or on festive occasions, uplifting messages like this. 

I do like the CNY celebrations. Something about the noise, colour and not to mention food and drinks and of course the money (earned legally though angpows or illegally from relatives and friends at gambling). Speaking of that, I've never been good with that. You know what they say, lucky in love...

CNYs, like other milestone moments (birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries), are perfect for counting one's blessings. In my case, I thank God first and foremost for my family and friends. Whatever we have He has granted. And in a very special way too. They say God doesn't give us what we ask for but what we need (in order to obtain through our own free will what we want). In asking for courage, God would give us obstacles to overcome. In asking for love, God will send us troubled friends to help. 

God has given me some abilities and He has also endowed in me (through my parents) a healthy dose of ambition and impatience so that I put my talents to good use. There's always two sides to anything worth getting. My family are all noted for having a hot temper (a fact recently validated by my aunt S when I paid her a CNY visit in Jakarta last week) but that's just the dark side of wanting desperately to achieve something to a high standard and in a expeditious timeframe. 

So, despite all the drama stemming from our (two sided) flaws, I am truly happy in the knowledge that the family and friends I have are all wonderful. And yesterday, the 7th day of the new lunar year, all of us are said to have grown a year older. And hopefully wiser and most importantly, happier. Each passing year marks a shortening runway to our eventual return to the maker. This fact has often been used to give meaning to our lives. It's been philosophized that "the thought of death has the power to rearrange priorities, returning to the surface the more valuable parts of us which have a tendency to get submerged in everyday struggles."

2016 is also a significant year for my parents. They would be married for 50 years by this December. Since they got hitched in 1966, their branch of the family tree has grown from 2 to 20. A ten-fold increase in 50 years. Now, for all the pursuit of growth (of the assets and profits sort in business), THIS is the more purposeful growth. That the family grows and that each member of the family can lead meaningful happy lives. For that to happen, we need to support each other and to help the other soar, even higher. 

Inflection point

As a young executive, I was fond of interpreting all signals of change (however small) as inflection points. A dip becomes a harbinger of depression. An uptick a sign of positive expansion. I do think it's the right of a young person to be optimistic (even if overly so) as well as pessimistic. Such hyperbolic feelings are fuel to the youths who then set out to do impossible things and a few with wildly spectacular results. 

All of us, more aged ones, know that of course not every downturn becomes a nightmare nor vice versa. So, as we get older, we get wiser. We learn to read the signals in a more nuanced way. 

So 3 weeks into this new year, what is there to read of the 2016 signals? Bad news always make better news so of course these dominate the media. That 2016 headlines are most bad is no surprise. But even by these sensational standards, the news these last three weeks are a shade darker.

1. First the deaths of several iconic, ground breaking music personalities notably David Bowie and Glen Frey who to me defined glam rock and country rock. Without them, my love of music would be different, even dimmed. But then, one may think of music as a trivial thing and therefore their deaths are of little significance. I beg to differ. I believe music is more than sound, it's the soundtrack of our lives. We all have (most certainly me) made gifts of them and used music to enhance our communication and even our appreciation of certain events. So their deaths are mourned. Thankfully their music remains and they have inspired others to keep producing more good music. 

2. No one will argue that peace is an ultimate state. Bombings in Istanbul and more frighteningly, Jakarta, clearly remind us not to take this for granted. Huntington in a seminal essay before the turn of the millennium pointed to a clash of civilizations. Since then, from Al-Qaeda to ISIS, terrorists who exploit the religion of Islam, are making sure they are heard, seen and taken seriously. Have we found a solution? Not at all, much less a sustainable pathway to peace.

3. Peace and prosperity are fine bedfellows. But even in places where peace is still pervasive, like China, prosperity has fallen. Growth rates have slowed, demand has dipped, prices have fallen. The economies I live and work in have not been spared and the outlook is for continued malaise. 

Perhaps, this is an inflection point even for a 'matured' observer of the world like me. And if this was 20 years ago, a young me would pronounce without a shred of hesitation that gloom even doom will surely follow. 

An older me reads the same data, recognises the more pervasive state of bad news, therefore sees an inflection point. But not towards the negative. Rather, I see an opportunity to shape the trajectory. For the better.

After all, 2015 though more challenging for me professionally than in recent years, have been mostly a big rewarding year. M got elected into leadership position in school, won the trophy in a soft ball tournament, confirmed her faith. J completed his As, found a friend, got ready for national service. D completed the house, served the church, got gifted an old beloved car. And we all went on a nice long vacation together: a road trip in the US thankfully with none of the hysteria that The Griswolds so infamously had on screen.

The best way, I have learned, to predict the future is to create it.

Up in the air

Here I am again

Seated

Shoes off

Waiting

For the flight

To take off

It's been 18 days

Since my

Last flight

Grounded

With pleasure

Feeling right

Won't be surprised if

18

Flights are

Now planned

To take me

Wide and far

Still I am quite fine

For my

Home is

All good

Well cared for

By the Mrs

Another new journey

J has had his fair share of momentous milestones. Some are achievement oriented. Others more spiritually so, like his confirmation in the Catholic faith. Today, he enlisted in the military, a rite of passage for all Singaporean sons. Its going to be, if it isnt already, a most meaningful journey for him. For the next 2 years, he will be part of a team where race, religion or language matter not. In this levelled field, its about strength, honour and loyalty: traits that really define the measure of the man. I wish him and all his fellow recruits (a total of 123 in his company) all the best.

I saw a few of them today. They all seem like well behaved (mostly A-level) boys, some already prepped with No.1 crew cuts. Not out of enthusiasm, mind you, but for vanity's sake as the military barber is well known to do a slapdash job having to shave the heads of hundreds. That said, as they undergo basic military training, the state of their hairdo will probably be the last thing on their minds. Which is about right... in the pecking order of importance, good looks must rank far below honour.

Its therefore sweetly ironical that as we (recruits and family and friends) were conveyed to the ferry terminal, incongruous 70s mandopop music extolling beauty and love played incessantly in the chartered bus.

What is more symbolic perhaps is the fact that we got here through multiple modes: drove & walked to the station, bussed to the terminal, ferried to the camp; all apt metaphors for the journey J will take over the next couple of years. A journey that is meant to make him physically, mentally and emotionally stronger. How strong he actually becomes is up to him.